Do you ever wonder how a Christian can remain single and joyful when all their friends are heading to the altar? It’s supernaturally doable for all who set their minds of Christ. Here are 5 quick tips to help lift you out of the muck of loneliness and depression.
1. Instead of looking for “the one”, focus on being “the one”
If you haven’t already read my interview with Dr. Daniel Wong on this matter have a look here. Certainly the Bible commends the search for a mate such as Proverbs 18:22 but let us not turn the quest into idolatry. It’s less about trying to find someone that has all the dots lined up, after all you never will anyway. But it’s about being centered on Christ, and only when you have developed an intimate relationship with Christ, will you be able to find a spouse who is also equally intimate with God!
2. Develop friendships with the opposite sex
The reality is that most marriages develop out of a deep friendship. God won’t drop a spouse out from the sky, so nor will a spouse come if you just live in your parents basement all day. If you desire a Godly spouse, then you’ll need to socialize in areas where those people are likely to be found – church, cell groups, and mission activities are the obvious. Hang out with Christian friends that include those of the opposite sex. Learn about each others goals and traits as brothers and sisters in complete purity (1 Timothy 5:2). Show signs of interest to those you are looking at. Nobody can read your mind and nobody wants to take a risk on someone who doesn’t reciprocate back. Relationships is always a two-way street. Develop friendships with those more mature and older than you so you can seek their wisdom on potential spouses.
3. Find your God-given mission
Ask yourself this question, do you know what God has called you to do in your life? Understandably that is a huge question that unfolds over a long period of time. Then let me rephrase the question, do you know what your God-given talents are? Do you know where are your weaknesses are? Do you know God’s mission for marriage and child rearing? Do you know how to address the needs of the opposite sex? Are you able to uphold the financial and spiritual requirements of marriage? Do others in the church agree with your calling in life?
All these questions encapsulate finding out what God’s mission for you is. And the best part is, you find out all these answers while your single.
4. Be faithful in Church and your service to God
Many singles fail to realize that marriage does not “heighten” or improve their spiritual walk after wedlock. Marriage doesn’t guarantee success, it only gives you a license to try. The truth is that one cannot change their spouse (or anybody for that matter), as that is only the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit. So then, if you have developed poor church habits as a single, marriage will only magnify the problem to your spouse! The time to develop habits of prayer, bible reading, and church service is now and not on the altar. It will save you much difficulty if you do the hard work now, than face it with a clutch of children and a disappointed wife wanting to separate 10 years later. Go to prayer meetings, submit to your Pastor, obey what the word says, listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Do it when you’re young, and when you’re old you won’t depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).
5. Delight in the Lord
Psalm 37:4 states, “Delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” And those desires might be a spouse, but notice the prerequisite – we must delight ourselves in him first! How are you delighting in his presence? How are you delighting in his word (Psalm 119:24)? How are you delighting in obeying his Holy Spirit? How are you delighting in serving his people? Honestly allow these questions to be a basic barometer of your faith. If you think proportionally more in your head about finding a mate than finding God, you’re probably not delighting in the Lord. It’s more likely you’re just desperate to get into a relationship.
May you discover the joy of being single today. Have any questions or comments? Please leave one below.